


lights in the darkness

by elhopperperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, cause that's what i do best;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elhopperperalta/pseuds/elhopperperalta
Summary: jake struggles whilst working a difficult case at work.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	lights in the darkness

**Author's Note:**

> warning! // mentions of a child abduction case
> 
> hi!! i truly think this is my best fic yet, and definitely the longest i've ever written! hope you enjoy.
> 
> based on the beautiful fic 'pink mittens' by @flannelfeelings, go check it out here https://archiveofourown.org/works/26627041 and all of their other works actually!! they are incredible

‘Jake?’ Rosa murmurs, crouching down to where he’s kneeling on the floor, his hood pulled up over his head to protect himself from the wind.

He doesn’t respond, so she asks again. ‘Jake?’ she says, a little louder this time.

He whips his head around then, looking up at her with fear written in his dark brown eyes.

‘What is it?’ she whispers.

‘It’s…’ he takes a deep breath, ‘it’s her… it’s her shoe.’

Rosa sighs.

They were both investigating a child abduction case, and it wasn’t going well. A week and a half had gone by with no news, no evidence, no nothing, until now. The young girls shoe was the first thing they’d come across that gave them any information about where she could be now, and they were beginning to lose any hope they may have had when they started looking for her.

‘We better take it back to the precinct then, show Holt.’ Said Rosa, pulling gloves and an evidence bag from her jacket pocket as she knelt down beside her friend.

‘Yeah,’ sighed Jake, slumping down onto the bench next to them as Rosa placed the shoe into the bag and sealed it, tucking it away until they could make it back to the precinct.

A few minutes passed, before Jake spoke through the silence.

‘Do you think…’ he paused, ‘do you think she’s still out there somewhere?’

Rosa didn’t know what to say. Of course she hoped that the little girl was still alive, she hoped and wished she was with every fibre of her being, but she hadn’t been seen for weeks and chances of her reappearance were very low.

‘I hope she is, Jake,’ she breathed in slowly, composing herself, ‘I hope with everything I have. But just remember if she isn’t, we’ve done everything in our power to help her, and her family.’

Jake nodded and stared down at his sneakers, twisting his hands together nervously.

This case was especially hard on Jake. He had a 3, almost 4 year old son at home and Rosa knew his biggest fear was anything bad happening to him. This case had brought up a lot of unspoken anxieties for him, and Rosa knew how difficult it had been to come into work every day knowing that they may not find her, and that she could be lost forever.

‘I know we’re doing our best, I know that, but there’s just this guilt in the pit of my stomach and it won’t go away. It’s like I know we’re trying, but what if she never gets found? What if her parents never get to see her again, and we were the officers given the task of finding her? I just don’t think I’d ever be able to let that go.’

‘Listen, Jake,’ Rosa murmured, shuffling a little bit closer to him on the bench and turning to him, ‘it’s hard. Our job is hard. Remember that one murder, where you were so desperate to find the murderer that you went completely insane and didn’t sleep for a week?’

Jake chuckled, hiding his head in his hand.

‘You were determined then, and you’re determined now. Her family knows how hard you’ve been working on finding their child. God, you haven’t seen much of your own wife because of how many shifts you’ve been working.’

He looked up at that, tears suddenly welling up in his eyes. Or maybe it was the wind, he didn’t know.

‘And I know how hard this is for you. It’s hard for me, but especially for you, I know. I know how much this case has made you worry about your son. It’s horrible to witness. But what you need to know is that you’ve done him proud. You’ve done all of us proud.’

Jake was in a little bit of shock. Rosa had never put that much emotion into a speech before, goodness.

‘Damn, Rosa,’ he laughed softly, wiping away a tear, ‘didn’t know you had all that in you.’

‘Yeah, shut up now.’ she stood up from the bench and turned away from him, a slight smirk on her face as she began to walk back towards the squad car.

‘But Rosa, you were just getting started..’

‘JAKE.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.’ He ran after her as she sped up her walking pace, a grin on his face as he tried to catch up. God was he glad he had a friend like her.

The precinct was weirdly quiet when they returned, but Jake was sort of glad about it. He didn’t think he could handle a million and one questions about whether they’d found her or whether they hadn’t or whether they’d just given up entirely. But Jake would never give up, and neither would Rosa, so they continued to look through evidence and quotes from witnesses until it was very dark outside and Jake almost fell out of his seat when he realised the time.

It was almost 11pm. _Shit._ Jake thought. He’d let his family down yet again.

He’d had one too many late nights at the precinct recently and the Dad guilt was starting to weigh on his chest. Mac was always fast asleep by the time he got back, and even Amy was in bed by then. He said he’d always be there for them both but he’d let his job take over his life recently and the hard hitting case he was working was sucking the life out of him. He felt so drained and so worthless, and guilty. His family was at home, and he wasn’t. He felt so goddamn awful.

‘Jake, bud, you need to go home.’ Rosa suddenly spoke out of the silence, getting up from her desk and grabbing her bag to leave.

‘Yeah, I know.’ He sighed, gathering up all the paperwork into a pile.

‘You okay man?’

He sighed again. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired.’

‘Well go home and get some rest,’ replied Rosa as she made her way to the elevator, ‘see your family.’

Jake nodded.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

She waved as she exited, and Jake waved back. He leaned down to grab his bag and noticed he had three missed calls, all from his wife.

_Fuck._

He called her, praying that she wasn’t angry, or upset. Oh god he hoped she wasn’t upset. He hated when she was upset.

Amy picked up on the first ring, thank goodness.

‘Jake?’

The sound of her voice made him want to cry. ‘Ames, hey.’

‘You okay? You’ve not come home yet and I’m cold in bed all by myself.’

Jake chuckled, tears welling up in his eyes. ‘I’ll be home soon. Just hang tight, okay?’

‘Okay.’ She whispered, before pausing for a second. ‘…Jake?’

‘Yes?’ his voice wavered, and he wiped away the tears that were falling down his face before she could realise that he was crying.

‘I love you.’

But that just made him want to cry _even more_. He loved her with everything he had.

‘I love you too.’ He replied.

‘See you soon babe, safe journey.’

‘Bye Ames.’

He needed to get home, asap. At least the subway was never packed at this time of night.

When he finally stepped of the subway train he was even more exhausted than he had been before, but at least his house was only a ten minute walk. It was half past midnight now, and the streets were eerily silent except for the rush of a car every five minutes.

He sprinted up the stairs as fast as he could when he reached his apartment building, turning the key in the lock and pushing open the front door as quietly as he could as to not wake his son, who he knew was sleeping soundly in his bedroom only a few doors away.

He slid off his shoes and padded across the living room, dodging all the floorboards he knew would make a noise.

As he reached the kitchen, the door of his bedroom opened and his wife peered out, a look of relief spreading on her face as she spotted him. Believe it or not being greeted warmly by his wife after a long day at work was his favourite thing to come back to any day, but today it really took all he had in him not to cry his eyes out at the sight of her face.

She held her arms out to him without saying anything, and he collapsed into her arms, burying his face in her neck. She stroked up and down his back soothingly, somehow releasing every bit of tension he had in his shoulders with every soft touch of her hand.

‘I missed you.’ She murmured into his shoulder.

‘I missed _you_.’ he replied, clutching her tighter.

She kissed him softly as they pulled away and he leaned into it, sighing as she ran a hand through the hair at the nape of his neck.

‘Mac missed you too.’

He glanced down at his feet, feeling guiltier than ever. ‘I know, and I feel awful that I haven’t been here enough recently, and I’m truly so sorry-’

‘Hey, hey,’ Amy cut him off, taking his hands in hers, ‘it’s okay. I know how hard this case has been for you, babe, and I’m so proud of everything you’ve done to help that little girl and her family.’

But they still hadn’t found her, he thought. She hadn’t been _found,_ so he didn’t deserve any praise yet.

‘Jake?’

It took a few seconds for him to realise that he was crying again. Amy looked up at her husband, his face wracked with more pain than should have ever been shown in his eyes, and reached up to gently wipe away his tears. Nothing hurt her more than seeing him like this.

‘It’s gonna be okay, darling, I promise you,’ she began, reaching up again to brush his fringe across his face in a loving gesture, ‘you might still find her. And even if you don’t, you’ve done everything you can. Her family will be grateful for that.’

‘I know, I just…’ he paused and breathed in slowly, ‘I feel so guilty. And I also feel hella guilty about how little I’ve seen of you and Mac recently, I feel like I’m letting you down.’

‘Hey, hey, no you’re not,’ she reassured him, ‘we’re both so very proud of you. And I know how much your job means to you, and you’re doing so well on this case. It’s hard, Jake and I understand that, especially as I’m a cop too and I know how it feels. Our jobs are hard. Mac is proud of his Dad, and yes of course he wants to see more of you, you’re his _Dad,_ but he knows you’re there for him no matter what. You know how much he says you’re the best Dad in the world? It’s because you are.’

He grinned at her, taken aback by her kind words. He really didn’t deserve her. She was his light in the darkness, and without her he was sure he would’ve fallen into a deep dark pit of despair by now.

He reached out to hug her again. ‘Thankyou.’

‘Anytime, babe,’ She rubbed his back a few times before gently pulling away, ‘how about you go check on our son? I know you’ve missed him.’

‘Okay.’

‘Just try not to wake him.’ Amy chuckled, retreating back into their bedroom.

‘I won’t, don’t you worry.’

He opened his son’s bedroom door as quietly as humanely possible, and knelt down gently beside his bed. He smiled and stroked a finger across where Mac’s hand was clutching the duvet right up to his chin. Jake didn’t notice his eyes blink open gently. Well, Mac was quite a light sleeper after all.

‘Daddy?’ he whispered, reaching out a hand towards Jake.

Jake turned his head around, cursing himself for waking up his son but also thanking whatever tiny noise caused him to wake from his slumber. God, how he had missed Mac’s sweet face.

‘Hey, bud,’ whispered Jake, taking his boy’s tiny hand in his own, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘Tis okay Daddy.’

Jake’s heart completely melted at the innocentness of that sentence.

‘I missed you.’ Mac continued.

‘I missed you too, baby,’ he murmured, brushing Mac’s hair gently across his forehead, ‘but I’ll be here more often soon. And we can spend as long as you like playing ninja turtles.’

Mac giggled softly, his eyes slowly blinking shut. ‘I love you, Daddy.’

‘I love you too McClane,’ Jake reached down to gently kiss his son’s forehead before standing up to leave him to fall back to sleep, ‘now get some sleep okay?’

‘K, Daddy.’

Jake would never tire of hearing that word addressed to him. He loved being a Dad, even more than he loved being a police officer, because that was the most important title he ever had the pleasure of carrying.

And as he lay down in bed next to his beloved wife that night, wrapping his arms around her torso and kissing her cheek fondly, he knew how much he was loved. And he had never been so honoured as to be loved to death by the two most important people on the earth.


End file.
